Parenting isn’t easy. When you have children with someone you’re no longer in a relationship with it creates another set of obstacles. One major challenge is learning to balance personal healing with raising your kids. Co parenting with someone who hurt you can be more painful than a bikini wax. However, like being bare down there in a new cute fringed bikini, it’s necessary!
At the point of relationship termination you must put your personal emotions aside. When you have children to raise, the focus shouldn’t be on your pity party. You got cheated on, lied to, dumped, or whatever…time to move past it. Anger and resentment now take a back seat to the needs of your little ones. Here’s why you need to make co parenting work:
Do people change? That’s debatable. However some people bring out a different side in others. Just because your ex was an ass to you doesn’t warrant that will happen with the children. Kids have a way of bringing out the best in people. Your personal woes should never be your children’s burden. Lick your wounds later. Give your children the gift of a positive relationship with the other parent.
Your kids value what they see you do more than what you tell them. Children who see their parents continuing to work together are more likely to learn how to effectively and peacefully solve problems themselves thus building better leaders and communicators. Fighting and arguing in front of the kids creates all around discourse. Lets face it, no one wants to be the next Jon and Kate Gosselin.
It Takes Two
No matter how great a parent you are, there will always be a void left when the other one is not involved. Kids need the guidance of both a male and female in their life. They need to know they are loved by mom AND dad. One parent can never fully compensate for the lack of effort from the other. A woman can’t fill the shoes of a man and vice versa. Wonder Woman can do great things but the outcome will be even better with the presence of Superman.
Let it go
Breakups bring on negative emotions. Why harbor resentment, hurt, and anger? It’s hard to open up and find true happiness when you’re bitter. You will be a better person and parent once you actively vow to emotionally move beyond those feelings. It’s an arduous task to make room for love in your heart when it’s filled with hate.
It is important for you to find a healing outlet when dealing with your ex. It can be a simple mantra like taking long breaths or something more in depth like therapy sessions with a BFF or professional. Whatever it is, your kids don’t need to be a part of the drama or feel responsible.
Co parenting isn’t a competition. It’s not about who is liked more, buys the most expensive presents, or one-upping each other. Co parenting is about putting your child’s happiness, future, stability, and well-being first. Love your kids more than you hate your ex. Kids should recognize that they are more important than the conflict that ended your relationship.